We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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