the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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