At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
