I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
