Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
