I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
