At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
