In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
