he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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