I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
