what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
