My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
