maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
