he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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