I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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