Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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