What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
