he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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