One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize