i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
