I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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