oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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