Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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