he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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