that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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