Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
