I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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