every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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