I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
