It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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