she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
