Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
