ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
