Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
