TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
her facebook's as public as her vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
