hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
