How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
