I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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