At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
