I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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