Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
