his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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