Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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