nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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