We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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