I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was born a porn star she said
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
