Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
