cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize