do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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