her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize