awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
