i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
