using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
