cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
