Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
