I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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