My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the high leading the old right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
