It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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