Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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