You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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