Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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