you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
