my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
