:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
