just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
