Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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